


Matt Learns his Place

by Youkai_Master



Series: Chocolate Selections [2]
Category: DeathNote
Genre: Comfort, Comforting Each Other, Handcuffs, M/M, breakdowns, fate is the damnedest thing, innocent handcuffs, kira life is harder, mafia life is hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-02
Updated: 2017-11-02
Packaged: 2019-01-28 07:05:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12601008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Youkai_Master/pseuds/Youkai_Master
Summary: As life gets more and more stressful and tension filled due to the race to catch Kira first even Matt is feeling the pressure and both he and Mello are starting to crack.





	Matt Learns his Place

**Author's Note:**

> There is yaoi here but the physical aspect is pretty light. I don't see the Deathnote series happening without at least one breakdown. Not too much else to say here. Enjoy~

It was a rough day for them all. Kira was frustrating them more than usual, Near was being especially smug, and despite not being able to see either of these events it seemed like Mello was well aware of them. This caused him to be even brasher and more uncooperative than usual meaning that Matt’s life had gone from the typical mildly annoying to a living hell in a matter of seconds. As it was he was attempting to drown out the griping, ranting, and flat out tantrum throwing of his long time partner in crime with his latest video game but his mind wasn’t really in it. As the small avatar leaped over the large green pipe in the game numbers flew past his eyes, the new code he had been working on hacking mixing with code of his latest ideas for trying to keep them alive with his anxiety creeping in to jumble it all. He was trying to keep himself calm and composed, knowing full well that he was most likely the only sane one in the entire compound. Wasn’t that a terrifying thought? He was willingly following his maniac of a best friend into the jaws of the beast, marching into the very depths of hell only because that was where Mello was going and he was the sane one. He knew that full well and yet he didn’t care. He was going to go anywhere the blond bombshell was going and nothing was going to stop him. He wasn’t stupid. He knew that this was most likely going to end in both of their deaths but if he could keep Miheel Kheel alive long enough to complete his goal he knew he would if only so he didn’t have to live without him.

He had thought about what could happen all of once and he had tried extremely hard not to think about it afterwards. He was generally very good at concentrating on the task at hand and not on what could be but with Mello in such a towering temper and him trying to block it out, the worries were creeping in once more. It was clear now to him that the possibility of their deaths had most likely become an eventuality. He had felt it hanging over them both for months now and it was beginning to influence them both more and more. More accurately it was affecting Mello and when it affected Mello it affected him. Very seldom was the blond happy anymore and it was growing more and more depressing. Even in sleep he looked upset and disturbed, his dreams no doubt showing failure of some kind. That was something they had never talked about.

When it all started, before L had died, they had been working hard and had been stressed but despite that they would spend each night tangled in each others’ arms, each fully relaxed and happy. After a while it only happened when Matt initiated and often felt like he was the only thing keeping Mello from falling into insanity. He could feel the determined fire from Mello as though it were melting his skin from the inside out, destroying both of them in the process. It never once crossed his mind to try and put that fire out. It was one of the vital things driving Mello towards his goal.

All the same Matt wanted to comfort his long time friend. That was why he kept trying to reach for him. Even when Mello went to bed without saying a single word to him all day he would crawl into bed and pull the slight, oh so frail body to his chest tightly, breathing in the warm scent of gunpowder and chocolate. He hadn’t told Mello how much peace it brought him when he slept with the blond in his arms but each time he did, the usual dreams of his death evaporated. Instead they were replaced with the feeling of warmth and a sense of lightness that vanished the second his eyes opened once more.

It looked like another day that he was going to be ignored entirely and for the first time he felt it really wearing on him. There was nothing else he could do for the day. They were waiting for information that was supposed to arrive tomorrow, a fact that only added to the frustration and tension. Pocketing his game system, he got up and looked to Mello who was resolutely staring at the screen that had reports and information they had gone over a million times. It was definitely a rough day. He hadn’t felt this tired in a long time so he moved to the door, not bothering to keep the sound at a minimum. He wasn’t even sure what to do anymore. He knew he would ensure Mello’s success but it was becoming difficult just to wake up from his blissful dreams. He normally dragged Mello to bed with him each evening but not tonight. He was just too tired to fight anymore. He went to their shared room and sat down on the edge of the bed.

Reaching over to the nightstand, he carefully put down his beloved game system as well as the goggles that hid and protected him from the world. He always felt more vulnerable without them. It was a stupid way to deal with it all but it helped him. Now as he stared at his goggles with the worn strap and polished lenses he couldn’t help but think how he was kind of like goggles for the chocoholic and cradled them in hand once more. He was an extra layer of protection from the harsh reality of the world for him. It was something he had always known on some instinctive level but not something he had ever really thought about. He examined them more closely, taking note of the small scratches in the corner of the lense and the marks on the strap from constant wear and tear. He definitely had nicks and scratches of his own. It was a depressing and comforting train of thought. Even being as damaged as he was he would still do his best to protect the other up until he broke and shattered entirely. Each day Mello ignored his existence he could feel another crack appear in himself and he was getting closer and closer to his own breaking point. If this kept up he wasn’t sure he could make it to the end. He felt a small smile spread across his face as he realized that there was a tear running down his cheek. He couldn’t remember the last time he had cried. He hadn’t realized things had gotten to him so much. He needed to pull himself together because if he didn’t he would be useless to Mello who needed something to feed that fire that was both destroying and driving him. He placed the goggles back down gently and removed his shirt and jeans. He wasn’t sure how long he sat there trying to get himself pulled together but it must have been longer than he thought, with his thoughts moving in circles, because he suddenly felt a leather clad hand on his bare back. He flinched like he’d been burned at the sudden touch but after a moment the familiar smell made him stiffen. He wasn’t anywhere close to being stable and the thought that Mello would see him in such a state made him feel like he was a failure.

He had been having a hard day. He knew that he was often difficult to deal with and frustrating on a good day but Matt was a constant that had always been there. The hacker meant more to Mello than he would ever admit to anyone, including himself. He relied on him to bring him back when things got too crazy and though he hated to admit it, he waited for Matt to drag him to bed each night to take his mind off reality so when he felt a distinct lack of presents he spared a quick glance to the corner where Matt had been sitting in the beat up chair for the last several hours, computers and wires still spread out over the table but no gamer. That legitimately surprised him. What was Matt thinking leaving him alone like that? Maybe he was coming back in a minute after a smoke or something. He waited for fifteen minutes but it quickly became clear that the gamer was not going to return that evening. Enraged and feeling oddly empty in a way he hadn’t experienced before, Mello rose and stomped to their bedroom only to stop short.

There on the edge of the bed sat Matt, staring at his goggles with tears running down his face. There was a small smile that bloomed across it but it looked wrong somehow, self demeaning. He approached more hesitantly than before and reached out, not sure what he was doing. He hadn’t ever seen him look so lost and broken and it scared him to see the usually unshakable young man so fragile. At the contact against the warm, shaking skin stretched tightly across the shoulder blades the redhead jumped before going rigid. What the hell was going on? He could feel the raw emotions swirling around him as he hesitantly turned the other around to face him, not sure what he was about to see or if he was ready to see it. There was his Matty, desperately searching for a queue just like always but for the first time he noticed how tired he looked. For years, ever since they were children, they had been in sync in a way that made it appear as though they could read each others’ minds and while that hadn’t changed there was a sense of lostness creeping in. Ever so slowly Mello raised his hand and just as slowly removed the leather covering it. The green eyes followed the movement, still looking for the next command or request, any kind of direction. When had things changed? It had always been an equal exchange between the two, maintaining a sort of balance. When had that shifted so far out of whack that Matt was reduced to a broken child left to follow him like a lost puppy? Mello needed someone to push back against him, to dare to question him to keep him sane and remind him that not everything was death and chaos. It was the only way for him to remain grounded and he had always found that and more in Matt. What had happened to Matt, to the both of them? Had they really gotten so lost in revenge and the dangerous game of chess that they had been broken down to this point? Matt had shut his eyes as more tears slowly dripped down his cheeks silently.

_“I’m sorry.”_

Those were the words that were said without a word being spoken by either. Mello reached up for the cheek, nicotine permeating the air and burning his nose as he leaned in closer to the one in front of him. After a moment he leaned back, removed his vest, took one of the gamer’s hands and placed it over his own heart beating heavily in his chest.

_“Don’t break. I need you.”_

Those were the silent words in response.

The next morning Matt woke to find the bed empty as usual but there on the bed was a short note.

I always need you at my side.

It was short and to the point, nothing more than a sticky note really, but Matt reached for it and held it to his lips in a kiss anyway. When he entered the main room a few minutes later he noticed the blond was sitting in his usual chair before the surveillance screens in a better mood than he had seen in a long time. There was a comfortable camaraderie about that he hadn’t even realized was missing until it had returned to take the place of some of the strain and stress from work. He had just taken a seat when the command came.

“Oi, Matty, get over here.”

Curious, he got up and stood in front of his partner in the chair. Before he realized what had happened there was a leather strap on his wrist with a chain attached to another strap on Mello’s.

"To remind you of your place next to me. You’ll be doing your work over here today.”

Smirking, Matt pulled on the chain connecting them, crashing their lips together for a moment before he gathered his things and sat down against the chair with the still blushing but smiling blond. As he worked he felt fingers absently card through his hair and felt his smile grow along with a warmth. That destructive fire was still there but at least both carried it now. They would be destroyed by it in the end but they would be destroyed together and that was what made it bearable. Until then, they both knew their places, Matt would forever be right beside Mello, chained together by their bond beyond the control of death itself.


End file.
